There is an alarming trend happening at gyms across America. It involves people behaving badly. Back in the day, there would be only a handful of people acting as if they were alone in the privacy of their own home, and now they are out in force. I've compiled my top five list of offenders I have grown darn tired of. See if you have had any recent encounters with any of the following:
1. The cell phone blatherer: This person is tethered to their phone and often with a high level of self-importance. If they aren't using lots of corporate buzz words and phrases, then perhaps they are rehashing sordid details from the night before with their best friend. In either instance, the conversations never end, and are always conducted loudly, over noise of cardio equipment, and much to the dismay of the people flanked on either side of them. Seriously, shut up and work out.
2. The sweatus maximus non clean-upus: You know this person well. They workout so hard, that they have a near death experience during every workout. Sweat pours off them, collects on equipment and surrounding surface areas. After drenching their area, they launch themselves off the respective equipment and bail. They never consider doing a courtesy clean up for the next person that may stumble upon their train wreck. This is disgusting and rude. I think animals do similar things in the wild to mark territory. Also, there is a little miracle called a workout towel. Towels work wonders with moisture management. Make the investment and buy one. Then, bring it with you.
3. The I'm so strong, look at all the weights I am using, but I am too weak to re-rack my weights guy: I cannot tell you how many times I have just wanted to set up equipment for my use, only to be set back ten minutes by having to re-rack somebody else's weights. That's right, if you are man enough to put the weights on, then surely you are man enough to take them off. There is nothing more annoying then having to put away eight 45lb plates in order to proceed with your workout. Seriously, a little courtesy goes a long way.
4. The way too pumped up guy: This individual is about one Monster Drink and one performance enhancing drug away from a heart attack. They usually have a red face, a hulking upper body, and a non-existent lower body (cuz who looks at that?). Sometimes they strut around with their arms intentionally held away from their sides to create the illusion of size. They also pace back and forth in front of any audience, and every breath is audibly heard across the room. If the audible breathing doesn't grab your attention, then they immediately move to loud, guttural noises with every rep. If this fails to make you stop and look, then they ultimately resort to throwing their weights down. This should not be confused with dropping weights, as there is a very distinct difference in the level of noise and vibration created. In between sets and pacing, there will also be some air-drumming, fist-pumping and head banging as they listen to their workout favs on their ipod. You are such bad asses, I can hardly stand it.
5. Mr. Short Shorts: I am always intrigued with Mr. Short Shorts. Why do you wear your shorts so short? Isn't it uncomfortable Mr. Short Shorts? Doesn't underwear already fulfill this requirement? I am confused. Every time I see you I have flashbacks to the early '80s Lakers, except you tend to not have nice legs or athletic builds. Let's face it, you are about one leg raise away from being arrested for public indecency. Next time you are out shopping (if you have shopped in thirty five years), be daring and buy one size bigger. Be kind to others!
